When we get married, we enter into the family of our spouse and must build relationships with his relatives. First of all, with those closest to you. How to make friends with your mother-in-law and avoid conflicts and quarrels with her? Let’s talk!
Cold War: Mother-In-Law Versus Daughter-In-Law
In art and literature, the complex relationship between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law is depicted many times. In a significant proportion of cases, such relations develop into open war. However, two beloved women of one man can avoid unnecessary confrontations.
Especially if both want it.
The cold war between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law takes a lot of energy from all its participants and involuntary witnesses, including husband (son) and children (grandchildren).
What will help you build a relationship with your mother-in-law?
You cannot change another person, so you’ll have to work on your attitudes and beliefs. Everyone has feelings, thoughts, emotions, and personal experiences. And in any situation, he relies on them. Therefore, you should start with yourself.
Realize that your husband’s mother is his mother, not yours. She does not have to be all-understanding, constantly supportive, and forgiving. You should be prepared for the fact that she will treat you differently.
You should not make excessive demands on her and expect self-sacrifice. Later, you will be accepted into the family and considered part of it, but this requires time and desire. Stock up on the first, and avoid destroying the second.
Important! Avoid negative transference! That is what psychology calls a state in which a person sees in one another – for example, in a mother-in-law – his mother. And that person brings down her claims and grievances related to the first. That is how conflicts arise out of the blue.
How to Make Friends with Your Mother-In-Law: Practical Tips
Simple rules of communication and friendly behavior will help build the foundation of warm, sincere relationships.
- Show Genuine Interest
Look at your mother-in-law outside this social role. What does this woman like, what is her hobby, what is she interested in? What are you worried about and what are you dreaming about? Try to get to know her better.
You will probably have common ground and use them to become closer to each other. The common interests bring people together and win them over. The daughter-in-law and mother-in-law found common ground in their shared love for online gambling, often placing bets together on https://22bet.com.sn/en, strengthening their bond over thrilling games of chance.
- Give Thanks
It is a big mistake for daughters-in-law to think that “I have nothing to thank my mother-in-law for.”
You can be grateful to your mother-in-law for at least the fact that she gave birth and raised the man you fell in love with. Try to be thankful to this woman for at least this.
Let her notice the little things: show attention and care, try to find time to be alone. Cook something tasty, or help carry a bag from the store.
- Ask for Help
Allow your mother-in-law to feel needed. Ask for the recipe for her delicious oven-baked pies or the secret to growing gorgeous roses on your property.
Or maybe you need to leave home for an hour and need a babysitter for your children?
If your mother-in-law is happy to meet you halfway, do the same. Respond to her little requests, try to help in word and deed, and be reciprocal.
- Prepare for Her Arrival
Everyone enjoys being in a society where they are welcome. If you are lucky enough to live separately from your mother-in-law, turn her visit into a small family holiday.
Cook delicious food or order a delivery service. Take the time to sit and chat, catch up on news, and share plans. Such gatherings bring people together and help build good relationships.
- Go Out With Your Mother-In-Law
A change of scenery and new experiences are always pleasing. Plan trips with your parents and in-laws. That could be a trip to the forest or a lake, a visit to a botanical garden or zoo, cooking barbecue at the dacha, or harvesting a rich gooseberry harvest.
All this will not take much time but will build good family relationships and lay down wonderful traditions.
- Talk About Your Feelings
Clashes due to differences in views are inevitable. They can arise in the initial stages of a relationship or when you have not found a common language with your mother-in-law. With the development of communication, conflicts either go away, destroy relationships, or turn into constructive ones.
Good self-esteem will help you behave correctly during misunderstandings.
Correct self-esteem begins with self-knowledge. Ask yourself: what kind of person am I? What strong personality traits do I have? What is my temperament, and what are my boundaries? Take a pen and paper, take some time for yourself and write down answers to the question. What, who and how can they do that with me? Physically, psychologically, materially, and so on.
You need to understand what your mother-in-law is allowed to do and what she is not allowed to do. And she also needs to understand this. Therefore, having defined personal boundaries (for example: “I cannot get criticism in the presence of guests”, ” Our children cannot be fed sweets”), outline them to her. And this is where communication skills are crucial.
Learn to voice your emotions without getting personal. For example: “I am now upset because of the public criticism of my culinary skills. I ask you not to do this again, not to criticize me in front of everyone, agreed? ”
That is, don’t get personal, don’t attack, talk about your feelings! But convey to your mother-in-law what you want: don’t criticize me in front of everyone.”
- Avoid Criticizing Her
Nobody likes to be criticized. Constant reproaches are a direct road to quarrels. If the relationship is not working out, it is better to withdraw than to actively conflict.
Do not blame your mother-in-law for any of your husband’s misdeeds. Even if she raised him that way. If you marry this man, it means he has many positive traits. Concentrate on them.
It is better to discuss your dissatisfaction directly with your chosen one, this is what will allow you to preserve your relationship and love. And the third one is superfluous here.
- Set a Comfortable Distance
You don’t have to become your mother-in-law’s best friend. There are chances she doesn’t need it. But try to build generally friendly relations, and for this, find the distance that suits both.
For example, six days a week, you both live your own lives. On the seventh, you meet or call each other and exchange news and sweet gifts. Perhaps there will be meetings and some calls more often, or maybe less often. Seek an emotional distance that is comfortable for everyone.
- Let Her Make Her Plans
Each person at any age has their own life and their plans.
Don’t make plans for your mother-in-law without consulting her. Try not to force her to do something she doesn’t like, even if it’s very important to you. Always remember that she is a separate person and has the right to her opinion and life.
She doesn’t have to live up to your expectations, and you don’t have to live up to hers. But you should both keep your distance, be respectful, try to understand, and show kindness. This is the main secret of strong relationships in a larger family. But your mother-in-law is also your family.